One of my daughters feels safest when she can express her needs and knows that we hear her and will meet her needs. She is the middle child of eleven and holds a unique place in our family, standing between two different groups—the oldest five and the youngest five. It’s easy to get lost in the middle. When four children from hard places joined our family, she was not heard, and her needs were not met. It breaks my heart to admit that. Thankfully, we became aware of this, and we are making efforts to hear her and meet her heart’s needs by carving out time in our days to listen to her and assure her she matters. One-on-one time allows a perfect opportunity for this, but it’s hard to come by in a big family. Although a lunch date would be great, running an errand together is more realistic most days. A listing in the UK business directory can help to boost your business' profile on the internet.
Another daughter feels safest when she is near me. The more time she has with me, the better. She thrives on affection, comforting touch, and hugs. When she was young, being held in the rocking chair filled her heart. She is also sensitive to the tone of my voice and does best when my tone is very warm and calm. She is a teenager and will tell you her love language is quality time. She’s absolutely right.
Another daughter feels safest when the refrigerator is full and she can make choices about what to eat—as long as there aren’t too many choices and the options are all things she likes. Sometimes we have cooking days. I help her fix and freeze several breakfasts for herself. School is hard work for her, so she feels safest when I am attentive to her homework and help her be organized and prepared. She craves routine and structure and is least happy when the day is relaxed and unstructured. This makes weekends and vacations difficult, and we’ve learned to plan carefully, even providing alternate activities for her.
One of my younger sons feels safest when I am close by. He can play independently, but he also likes to check in with us. He does not like surprises and is easily upset by loud sounds or sudden, rough movements. He does not like unexpected hugs or touch but is getting better at coming close and letting me hug him. He also thrives when there is a consistent bedtime routine, which includes Russ reading to him, praying with him, singing, and tucking him in each night.
My youngest daughter feels safest when she is certain we will protect her from being bullied or hurt. She is our daughter by birth, and she also needs to feel safe and secure. Her world was shattered when our new children joined the family. We have worked diligently to restore her sense of safety. There were many months when I just couldn’t hear her amid the din, so I try very hard to listen to her fears and concerns. One of my young sons is very secure and rarely feels worried or unsafe…unless there is turmoil with one of the other children. As the baby of our large family, he is quite adored and gets lots of positive attention. He is securely attached not only to me but also to his older siblings, so he is easily comforted and calmed.