Feeling Satisfaction

Perhaps it is time to abandon the idea that individuals faced with others in need decide whether to help, or not, by mentally tallying up costs and benefits. These calculations have likely been made for them by natural selection. Weighing the consequences of behavior over evolutionary time, it has endowed …

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Making A Difference

Right now are you only dreaming about making a difference, or are you actually doing things to connect with people who can join you on the significance journey? Movements don’t begin with the masses—they always start with one, and then they attract others to themselves and their causes …

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Letting Things Go

Dealing with past trauma is not an easy task, especially when some try to invent it themselves. Unfortunately, many believe that the only way to deal with trauma is to ignore or block their memory; There are no healthy or long-term ways to deal with such trauma. If you do …

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Looking After Yourself

You need a minimum of twenty minutes worth of exercise a day. Ideally, you’ll find time to fit in about four hours worth of aerobic exercise each week—that’s enough to reduce your chances of a heart attack and some cancers by 50 percent. Exercise enhances your mental …

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The Reflecting Style

Specialization is a necessary foundation in the developmental process, and most adults seem to find a comfortable niche within their field. Many professionals have built a satisfying life around their specialized preference. They find that they are comfortable and successful in their specialized role. Betsy, for example, used her Reflecting …

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The Power of the Unconscious

Unconscious competence is communicating with clients at an unconscious level. To illustrate just how powerful the unconscious mind really is, I want to describe an experiment from my graduate school days in psychology. As part of my thesis, I rode around on Continental Airlines (before they merged with United) with …

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No Means No

Lots of people will tell you, “In order to fight overcommitment syndrome, people have to learn how to say no.” But the idea that, if somehow you could sugarcoat your no, people would be happier to accept it is just silly. Of course, be polite. But remember this: what will …

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Persuasion Is It An Act?

Somewhere along the line, persuasion—the word itself as well as the act—got a bad rap. You may think of it as something underhanded, even a little slimy. After all, don’t politicians twist the facts to persuade you to vote for them? And didn’t a TV commercial …

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Helping Each Child Feel Safe

One of my daughters feels safest when she can express her needs and knows that we hear her and will meet her needs. She is the middle child of eleven and holds a unique place in our family, standing between two different groups—the oldest five and the youngest five …

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Our Partner Hears Everything

But even when we try to ignore parts of ourselves – our heart or body, for instance – and limit our communication to empty niceties, a similar process will take place. When two people want to get involved with each other they only respond to each other’s words on a superficial …

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